The Busy Woman’s Guide to Self Care
Ambassador Jill Moerschell and her attorney husband live in Frisco, Texas, with their four kids, a cat, and two dogs. A political researcher and writer before children, Jill started writing again after the birth of her youngest son, who has Down syndrome. With his birth, Jill became fully aware of the need to help the world see the worth and potential of every individual. Today on Flourish, Jill shares her journey to understanding the importance of self care, and how busy women everywhere can find time to practice it.
The cracks were starting to show.
I did not give them much attention at first. They seemed harmless enough, and I could cover them up. But then they grew and I was starting to crumble. I was forgetting to show up to volunteered activities and I was losing the ability to focus. I was trying to manage all the things, and I was failing.
“How did I let this happen?” I asked myself, bewildered. One glance at my calendar and I had an idea. My calendar was full of other people’s activities, other people’s needs, and other people’s interests. I did not exist on the page. And every entry was in my own handwriting. I had forgotten to include me in my life.
I had previously taken pride in that calendar. It gave me a sense of self-worth. I was needed, obviously. Without hobbies or outside interests, I defined myself by my level of busyness per month. This was never clearer than in my role as a mama of a child with special needs. I told myself that if I was excessively busy, maybe I was doing enough for my son Matthew.
But as it turns out, Matthew did not need the busyness—he needed me. He needed my imperfect self. All my kids did. And my husband. Maybe other people did too. I felt like I was forgotten, but I had forgotten them too. I was seeing jobs and responsibilities when I looked at them. Not the people I loved who loved me amidst my brokenness. They wanted me.
So armed with superglue, I went about filling the cracks. I had to find time for me and remember how to be grateful again. And I had to find time for me to pour into the good things in my life.
The busyness and demands remain. I can prioritize, I can let things go, but I still have an ever-growing list of things to do. And that is just the day-to-day. There will be moments, days, weeks, when I feel like I am eating, living, breathing an illness, a major decision, an event in my own or someone else’s life. But I have found a few daily things I can do – even amidst those heavy times – that take care of me, enabling me to be more focused and stronger to meet those demands. Sometimes I only get one of these done, sometimes all three, but each one offers refueling and in attainable ways amidst even the most excessively busy days.
The Basic Recharge
Sleep is often the first thing to go for me when I have a lot to do. Somewhere inside me is a college student who thinks she can exist on a few hours of sleep as the norm, but the truth is that college girl is well behind me. When it’s deprived of sleep, my brain starts to hurt. If I can, I try to resist the urge to plow ahead on low fuel by planning a lighter load after a rough night for sleep so I can try to catch up. It does not always work, but I am making this more of a priority. If I get a decent night of rest, I can do a lot more in my days.
The Morning Routine
This is THE place I get the best recharge and I am the most protective of. I usually get up before the rest of our house. I am not an early morning person by nature, but apparently no one else in my house is either because it is quiet! I sneak out for early morning workouts at the gym or an outside run. I love catching the world as it is waking up. Major refueling moments are found in the simplest of things – the sound of the creek flowing by on my path, the noise of papers hitting the pavement as the delivery person goes by (yes, they still do that) – I cannot get enough of it. When I do come home, the house is still peaceful, or in the earliest stages of waking up, and I enjoy my cup of coffee while I have some quiet time and lay out my day. For this introvert, every moment in this morning routine is glorious.
Music and Dancing
This is a bit silly, but I like a good daily dance party. And each person in this house, whether they will admit it, enjoys it too. I guess the saying about music soothing the soul is true, and I guess it applies to 80s pop too, because I feel a lot better after a little dancing. The party can be alone, it can be outside, and it can be in the car as well (albeit, a more subdued version).
Finding daily ways to take care of myself has been the life-changing for me. Having that foundation to return to gives me steady footing, even in the thickest of storms. I think we all need a few basic ways we know we can recharge, whether it be some or all the ways I listed, or a spa trip, vacation, girl’s night, or something else. Figuring out what speaks to each one of us to take care of ourselves is time well spent.
Finding the Extra Moments
I used to sprint from Point A to Point B. The part in between annoyed me. It meant delay. When I started to take care of myself, I saw I had it wrong. The moments in between were often the very best parts. Learning to take a step back and see those moments has been a surprising way for me to refuel as well. When I was consumed with busy, I was missing the beauty in hidden places and missed opportunities: the opportunity to tell a friend they helped me, the laughing of my kids as they make a mess cooking dinner, the joy that explodes out of my youngest when he is happy…
Living more intentionally is part of my own self-care too. I am working to make better use of my time. When I invest in the people around me, I see them bloom as well—and that fills my cup too. When I stepped into my own story and became a Noonday Ambassador, I was introduced to doable ways to make positive change in the world. I still have jobs and responsibilities and demands. I can still forget about myself. Sometimes I get tunnel vision and sometimes I am overextended despite my best efforts. I still struggle with balance. But self-care is not as complicated as I once thought it was. It may require creativity, but it is there. There are breaths to be found amidst the torrential storm. There is grace we can extend to ourselves. And most refreshingly of all, there are those around me willing to lend a hand when the fog is thick.